


Dripping Regret

by boilingchildren



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts/Actions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-19
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-04-10 02:51:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 11,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4374356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boilingchildren/pseuds/boilingchildren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Whoever said death was beautiful-- They were lying. "<br/>Karkat learns his new life with the fresh horrors of what happened a few years earlier-- Will he be able to cope?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Updates are slow, mostly because I'm trash.

Karkat sat in a familiar room, his eyes wide. He could smell the sickening, metallic smell of blood. His mother's cooking was bad the first time down, and it wasn't any better the second time up. He could feel hot tears streaming down his face as he struggled with the ropes that bound his wrists together, the skin burning and red from his struggling. He yanked desperately, his eyes unable to tear from the sight in front of him. Then again, who wouldn't?

A sickening scent filled the air before he tried to scream again, the cloth in his mouth making it impossible to do so without choking himself. He gave a loud whine, blinking away his tears.

Has anyone ever said death was beautiful?

They lied.

Before Karkat sat his family, all in similar situations, bound and tied. Except only three of the five other's were still capable of struggling. His mother sat motionless, her olive colored eyes staring straight ahead. They were once so pretty, filling him with that familiar sense of maternal Love she had always offered to him, along with the rest of his family. Now they were cold, empty. Staring right to no where. He felt sick to his stomach, bile threatening at his esaphagus. Her black hair was plastered to the side of her face, bright red blood staining her once flawless skin. He could see part of the disgusting grey that was her main center of control- her brain in lamemen's terms. It seemed to gleam in the light from the candles surrounding them.

Next to her was his little sister- Poor Nepeta. Her similarly colored eyes stared straight at him, filling him with guilt. She was begging, trying to get her big brother to save her. He hadn't been able to fulfill her last wish, instead he was forced to sit still, and watch as their captor executed her. He watched as the knife plunged into her chest, listened to the crunch of bones as their captor dragged the knife across her chest plate.

What a shame, she had such a pretty necklace on too.

Karkat's attention was yanked to his older sister, Meulin. She had the hair of a lion, so soft and fluffy. He remembered sitting with her for hours, watching as she practiced sign language, often ending up playing with it to help pass the time. It was wonderful. Her olive eyes were wide, trying to follow what the sickening man was doing behind her. She never saw what he did. She never saw as he held the rope over her head, or how the man seemed to almost mock her trembling. But he knew she saw it drop down over her line of sight. He knew she felt the rope tighten around her neck when the male yanked the rope back, cutting off the air supply. He knew she saw him close his eyes and fight desperately to get free.

Karkat didn't know if she saw the fresh set of tears stream down his face, or if she was dead by then. Karkat opened his eyes when he was sure he didn't have to see her struggling anymore, to avoid seeing her eyes as she fought for air. His eyes rolled to look at the man, trembling. He felt the bloody hand over his shoulder, filling him with terror. It made him sick to his stomach, to just think what he could do to him. Instead he was forced to watch as he walked to his father.

The large man fought, the striking grey eyes wide and filled with tears. It was definitely new, seeing his father cry. He was normally a man, who was determined that fear could be overcome, to be strong. However, it was gone. All he could see was fear in the poor man's eyes. He sucked in a shaky breath, his eyes closing again.

CRACK.

Karkat had heard the gun long before he even thought to open his eyes. And when he did, he instantly regretted it. He could see the red and grey caking the floor, the shatters of skull that had once held his father's cranium together. He could see the large gap in his father's head.

Tears streamed again, would he ever stop crying?

He doubted it.

He was going to die of tears long before the man got to him. Tensing up, Karkat watched the man make his way to his older brother- his last living family member. Bile traveled up his throat as he sucked in air, trying desperately not to swallow the cloth in his mouth. Sure, Kankri wasn't the best brother in the world, but he didn't deserve this, no. Kankri didn't deserve to have a screwdriver hammered into his skull with a mallet. Karkat screamed in his chest, his eyes closing as he listened to the sickening crunches of the hammer. He was sure he'd suffer a similar fate, maybe something quick, like his father. One shot and he was gone. Or perhaps slow, like Kankri.

Oh god, the man was probably going to pour bleach down his nose.

Or at least he thought so. A loud bang echoed across the house, flashing lights filling his vision. Now was when the police decided to show up?! After everyone else was dead?!

That was three years ago.

Karkat slowly opened his eyes, his head tilting back to see his history teacher standing over his desk.

"Well, Mr. Vantas, since you seem to find it suiting to sleep through this class, I will assume you know what I'm teaching. Can you tell me what year Martin Luther perfected the printing press?"


	2. Live Never Gives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You look like hell."

Karkat swallowed thickly as the bell rang out over head, stepping out of the cool office. It was too cold in there, suiting the people within. Cold and dead were school officials, always pressing the students. He swore to god one day someone would snap and end up attacking one of them.

But not today.

Pink detention form in hand, crumbling beneath his grip, Karkat made his way down the bustling hallway. He shoved his way past annoying freshman, who were too happy to know exactly what they were about to experience this year. He rubbed his left eye, seeing the random colors that seem to appear out of no where as he did so. It was almost like having a galaxy all to himself, like a god. A malevolent god, if he dare say so.

Slim fingers reached out to grab the lock of his locker, giving a quiet sigh beneath his breath as he turned it. Right 15. Left 20. Right 5. It was embedded in his skull after the years of holding onto the old thing. Wrenching open the door, a horrid screech filled his ears. Apparently oil existed on another planet. Before him was the locker, tidied to the last speck. It was the complete opposite of what people would expect from his messy appearance. Reaching out, Karkat selected a couple books, careful as he pushed them into his bag. Studying wasn't his most preferred thing in life, but it had to be done. With a huff and a slam, a click later and he was free with his little pink slip now at the bottom of his pocket.

"Oh my _GOD_ you _REEK_. "

Karkat cringed at the familiar voice, his teeth aching with the screeching noise it made. He knew she was blind, but damn that was no excuse for the horrid tone of her voice.

"Thank you. I feel as though this might have a reason to do with you being single. You know, beside the whole licking people thing. " He growled as he turned to face th-

SMACK.

In the face with the cane.

"I hate you. " Karkat growled as he shoved the pole from his cheek, a red line beginning to form on his cheek.

Terezi stood in front of him, easily matching his height. Hell, if anything she might have been an inch taller than him. The ginger gave a cackle that would haunt his nightmares for years to come. "Oh please, Captain Kark, I am just too much for the boys to handle. That's why I run for girls. " Terezi said as she leaned against her cane, nose twitching all the while.

The strong temptation to kick it out from under her overcame the short male, though he - ** _somehow_** \- resisted. "I know. Can't you see them just groveling at your feet?" Karkat growled as he continued to walk, hearing the tapping behind him as Terezi chased after him.

"Oh now _THAT_ was just cruel. " She mused. "Picking on a blind girl, you should be ashamed of yourself, Meerkat. " Terezi cackled.

"Do you purposefully mess up my name as much as possible or are you just shoved that far up your ass you didn't hear it correctly and you're guessing what it is everytime you say it?" Karkat huffed, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

"Oh? I thought you liked my nicknames!" Terezi countered, grabbing the back of Karkat's sweatshirt so he could lead her through the crowd.

"Adore them, can't you see the smile?"

"Shame on you, didn't anyone ever teach you not to mock the blind?"

"Why? It's not like you can see it. "

"Wow. Rude. "

Karkat gave a half assed snort through his nose, pushing open the school doors as he stepped into the sunlight. He was careful down the stairs. No matter how funny it would have been, he wasn't going to let Terezi fall down them. "Am I driving you home again or are you going to go harass someone else with your nails on chalkboard?" Karkat said as he started leading her into the parking lot.

"I can drive just fine, thank you very much. " Terezi snorted, grabbing Karkat's arm. "Right. Get in the car. " He growled as he opened the passenger seat. Leaving her to her own devices, Karkat walked around the beat up old thing. It wasn't the prettiest when he had first gotten it, but someone slamming his bumper did it no justice.

"So, are you going to stand there and admire my beauty or are are you taking me home?" Terezi snorted, tapping her cane on the window.

"Yeah yeah, keep it up and I'll make you walk. " He grumbled as he flopped into his seat, fishing the keys from his bag. After fighting with the silver ring, he managed to get it to roar to life.

"You know, I can smell the nightmare. Was it about them again?"

Karkat froze where he sat, his hand still on the key as he stared blankly at the dashboard, his throat starting to close up. "It's that obvious, huh? Even the blind chick can see it. " Karkat sighed, his hand dropping to his lap.


	3. I Remember You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Great. Now I'm seeing things. "

"Try to get some sleep tonight, Okay Karcrab?"

Karkat jumped when Terezi's hand rested against his shoulder. He glanced to her, momentarily thrown off by her clouded eyes. "Yeah, Yeah. Take a pill, pass out like a drug addict, I know the drill. " He said as he watched Terezi stand up. He knew she could find her way back into the house, she's done it before. Hell, half the time he isn't so sure that she can't see at all.

Karkat rubbed the bridge of his nose when she started to tap her way up the walkway. He took a deep breath as he pulled away from the side of the street. He shook his head, trying to get his bearings. It happened years ago, yet every night it came back. Every night he saw the same thing that haunted his life.

Every night he saw his sister's eyes pleading for her big brother to save her.

Karkat slammed on the brakes, the screeching filling his ears as he avoided hitting a dog on the street. His mind allowed him time to process what just happened, laying on the horn to get the dumb animal off the road. "Move you fucking mutt!" He yelled as it ran up onto some poor soul's porch. He shook his head, quickly getting away from the site he almost ran a dog over at.

Trembling fingers held onto the steering wheel, trying to gather his thoughts. He felt like he was there again, the ropes biting at his skin. He swallowed thickly as he looked back at him again, his eyes watered before he pulled over again, pressing his forehead to the wheel. He sniffled, hot tears streaming down his face as he tried to compose himself. Wiping his face, Karkat took in a shuddering breath. He glanced in the rearview mirror, his intentions on pulling back onto the road and getting home.

Or at least until he saw it. Olive eyes stared back at him, wide and horrified. He could see the sickly grey skin, his sister staring back at him through the mirror.

Karkat gave a gasp, his heart leaping into his throat. He felt like throwing up, able to hear the damned thing beating in his ears. His head snapped to the back seat, staring in horror at-

Nothing.

Karkat swallowed thickly, his fingers turning white from how hard of a grip he had on the wheel. He sighed shakily, his eyes closing as he did so. He took a moment to compose himself, shaking his head before he opened his eyes again.

Still nothing.

He gave a deep sigh, pulling back onto the road. "Great, now I'm seeing things. " Karkat said quietly, gripping the steerwheel with a deadly force. He shook his head, slowing down as he approached the stop sign. He pinched the bridge of his nose as he waited for the car in front of him to move, shaking his head.

Karkat took in a slow breath as he was finally able to pull away.

He always wished he could pull away.


	4. Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't you just love memories?"

Tires screeched to a halt in front of the tidy little house. It wasn't that Karkat had suddenly hit the breaks, no.

In fact they were just low on air.

He sighed as he pulled into the driveway, pulling to the side to let the other car that belonged to his aunt to return. He rubbed his eyes as he stepped out of the car, taking a deep breath.

The short male's eyes drifted to the neat little green car that was parked perfectly. Kanaya was already home apparently. He yawned widely, grabbing his bag from the floor before shutting the door shut. Of course he was given the chance to have a new car just like her, but he wanted his dad's old car.

Karkat fumbled with the keys as he walked up to the front steps, the bag slung over his shoulder. He pushed it open before he threw the keys into a bowl near the door, stopping to survey his home. It was a large house, to say the least.

There was a long hallway, two large gaps opposite from eachother. One led to a living room, decorated to the last spec. There was a large TV on the wall, paintings and a large bay window. Black leather couches were strategically positioned so everyone would have a view of the screen. The carpet was a starched white, looking like it was brand new. Across was the kitchen.

It had an oven, and a fridge he found to be too big. The freezer was on the bottom of the damn thing, and nothing scared the piss out of him more than getting a drink and a blast of cold air attacking his crotch. There was an island that had a flat top stove, the granite countertops polished to a shine. Other appliances were placed, though he had no business with any others but the dishwasher, microwave, toaster, and coffee maker.

Hollow paps echoed from his shoes as he made his way down the hall, past the door that held a bathroom and to the stairs that turned upstairs. He was quick on his feet, hoping to get to his room and relax. Maybe take a sleeping pill and get some rest like Terezi suggested. However, he was stopped by a tall, slim figure.

"Karkat if I dare say so, you are awfully quiet today. Normally I can hear you coming up the stairs from the attic. "

Kanaya.

Karkat sighed, looking up at her. She had beautifully tanned skin, her hair styled skillfully. It was a wonder she did it herself with nothing but a comb and hairspray. Her skirt fell just past her knees, a beautiful patter of oceanic blues. It let to a white blouse and a pale like yellow overshirt. However, folded arms covered the necklace he knew she was wearing.

"My bad. I forgot it's my job to be obnoxious. " Karkat deadpanned, looking at his cousin. He stepped around her, huffing when her hand grabbed the hood of his sweatshirt.

"Unfortunately you have a habit of being the loudest object in a room. You must not be feeling well or something is wrong. " Kanaya huffed, letting go of his hood after a moment.

"....When do I ever feel okay?" Karkat said after a moment, looking back at her. He stared for a moment. Eventually he heard her sigh.

"I see. Come on, I'll tell my mother you already did your homework. " Kanaya said, grabbing Karkat's arm. It was much more common than he would like to admit.

The doctors called it PTSD, but he liked to think of it as life giving him a swift kick to the nads. But it was normal. He'd come home absolutely exhausted, and Kanaya would work her magic. She'd lay him on his bed, bring him water and his prescribed dose of sleeping aides and would play with his hair and just be there until he fell asleep. The doctor couldn't help the night terrors, but he did help him get sleep.

"Lay down. "

As usual, he did. Laying on his stomach, trying to relax the knots that had tied themselves inside his stomach. He gave a low sigh, his eyes opening to look at his cousin. She looked out of place. His room was painted a dull grey, tidy to the last drawer. The posters were perfectly straight, if they weren't, it would drive him crazy.

She clashed with the dull colors, giving the room a new sort of air. A calmer one from the usual tense atmosphere that had followed him. Karkat sat up, methodically taking a couple sips before swallowing the little caplets. He laid down again, curling on his side and closing his eyes. It would take awhile for them to finally take effect, and they both knew it.

Feeling the bed dip under her weight, Karkat knew Kanaya sat on the edge. And just like always she began to run a hand through his hair. They never talked about it, because he always cried. It reminded him of his mother comforting him after a nightmare. Except he didn't seem to be waking up from this one any time soon. "I'll be sure to wake you up a couple hours before dinner. "

"Okay. " Karkat sighed gently, feeling himself relax. He was exhausted to the point his arms burned. They burned so bad-- but it wasn't actually burning. He was more or less inclined, to take matters into his own hands again.

Though, instead he let his cousin lull him to sleep, seeing darkness before he began to relive the worst night of his life all over again.


	5. Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You look sad. "

Drip.

Crack.

Drip.

Crack.

Pale grey eyes opened, his vision blurry as he slowly came to his senses. He sucked in a slow breath. his ribcage cracking from the sudden change. He stopped, however. A putrid smell filling his senses. He knew exactly what the smell was, and his stomach began to churn.

Karkat's head slowly turned towards his bedroom door, thinking maybe that there was a chance that his aunt had spilled something. Though, in a split second he knew he was wrong. He knew exactly what he would see. And when he finally saw it, he felt a scream stuck in his throat.

Standing there, was Nepeta. Her once beautiful skin was a sickly grey, her chest ripped open with the knife still lodged into her. Blood dripped off the handle, making a sickly drip. With every breath she took, the knife would shift and make a crack noise against her bones. Her eyes were locked onto him, the olive color ripping right to his core. He didn't need to look around to know what was around them. Kankri stood to her right, just like always. The screwdriver lodged in the back of his skull, the very tip visible out his cheekbone.

His father stood to her left, his skull split into two, hanging slightly. He knew if he looked over he would be capable of seeing the grey that was his brain, and he didn't dare. She-- His mother, stood next to his father. Her face had blood plastering her hair to her, her skull open. Except, the axe was still there, letting a slight flow of blood around it. Meulin stood next to Kankri, her eyes locked onto him just like everyone else. The rope was around her neck, tied so tight that her skin differed from everyone else's. A light blue tinted her, a sign of asphyxiation. Of course, Karkat knew what would come next.

Out of the darkness of his room, he would step out. The man that had been responsible for it. His hand rested on Nepeta's shoulder, a smile plastered on his face. He would pull the knife from her chest with a sickening squelch, earning Karkat's stomach's distaste.

"Aww, you look so sad. "

Same as always. The man leaned forward, the tip of the knife pressing to the very edge of Karkat's mouth. Karkat's eyes would follow him the entire time, paralyzed in his bed. He watched as the tip broke the skin at the very edge of his mouth, tears beginning in his eyes as he watched the knife begin to travel to his cheek bone, splitting his mouth into an unnatural smile.

With a jerk, Karkat suddenly sat up in his bed, his eyes wide open. Everything was gone, his room partially lit up by the sun. His nightmare was gone, leaving him a screaming mess. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and he tried to jerk away, though he was pulled closer into someone warm and squishy.

"Karkat it's me!"

Karkat's scream slowly died away, leaving him a panting mess against his aunt. He tilted his head back, looking up at the woman. She looked similar to Kanaya. She had beautifully tanned skin, though she had much longer hair. Piercings were on her lip, and eyeshadow and eyeliner that could slay a dragon. Her arms were wrapped around him, black tattoos covering them.

"You okay now, Crabby?" Her voice said, oddly soothing to him. Karkat sighed gently as he pulled away, nodding. He rubbed his face, noting how bad he was trembling. "He just....He started to cut me this time. " He sighed, looking up to the jade green eyes that were similar to his mother's.

"Well, come on. You can help me with dinner. " Porrim said gently, reaching out to coax Karkat out of bed. He followed quietly, frowning slightly. He could still smell it, the smell of rotting flesh. He swallowed down the bile that threatened his esophagus, nodding.

Steps echoed as they made their way to the kitchen, pretending as though the horrors never happened.


	6. Bake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Come help me cook. "

Sweet scents of chicken filled the house, Karkat chopping carrots as his aunt rolled the raw chicken in spices. "You sure you still don't want to tell me about it?" He heard her voice question him.

"I'm sure. I just...It's the same thing as always. " Karkat said quietly, setting the knife next to the cutting board. He snuck a slice of carrot into his mouth, crunching quietly. Though it wasn't enough to hide from his aunt who promptly thwacked him in the back with a spoon.

"We're making dinner." She scolded.

"Okay, okay. " Karkat huffed as he looked to his aunt. Her eyebrows were lined with golden rings. He had wanted to get piercings that were similar, though she refused to let him do it. He supposed it was a good idea to make him wait, though he wasn't too fond of it.

"Have you done your homework?" Porrim asked as she set the pan in the oven, her head turning to look at her nephew. She leaned against the counter, her slender arms folding again.

Despite what one may think at first glance, she did hold the maternal look. He sighed, shaking his head a bit.

"No, I fell asleep before I could. " Karkat admitted. He almost cringed with the look he was given from his aunt.

"After dinner I want it done. "

 

Karkat gave a slow nod, realizing that there was no way out of it. He looked down to his shoes, though it wasn't for long. He felt the familiar wooden spoon on his chin, smearing batter of something on his chin. 

 

"GROSS!"

 

Karkat could hear his aunt laughing, a small smile starting on his features. "You're such a downer, I figured you needded something sweet. "

 

"Okay, but not smeared on my face. " 


	7. Processes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's time to move on with the grieving process. "

Dinner was always quiet at the Maryam household. Karkat sat on one side of the table, eating quietly as he scrolled through his phone. Of course on it were things he held dear and personal to himself, but he didn't mind. He had things written down-- reminders if you will. Pictures of things he wished to hold on to for his entire life, or at least as long as his phone would last. He would eat idly with one hand, the other moving rhythmically up his phone. Every now and then he would give a half assed snort through his nose and that was the end. 

Kanaya, however was a much more intent eater. She would organize everything based off of what colors complimented eachother and make her way rhythmically around the plate, a process Karkat knew by heart. She would separate warm and cool colors, then begin with the warm colors, ending on the cool. Not that he cared in any way shape or form, it was just a fun little fact about his cousin he found peace in knowing. Porrim, however was different. 

Porrim was able to inhale an entire chicken in a matter of ten minutes, shoving enough potatoes and carrots in her mouth to look as though she was ready to burrow for the winter, or kick a certain sea sponge's ass for saying Dirty Dan. She would eat erratically, whatever suited her fancy. She had every right too. 

Karkat found himself a bit off task for once. He sat silently, his phone locked to the side, and his fork poking idly at the blob of meat that reeked of spices. He glanced to his Aunt, noting how she seemed to have slowed down and give him a questioning look. "Karkat, you can't possible be thinking about that again, can you? I know you miss them, but the counselor said it's time to start letting go and continue with the grieving process. " Porrim said gently. All it did was end up putting a frown on his face, his fingers tapping at the table. 

"She's still there. I though that easter would be the last time I saw her, but she was in the backseat earlier. " Karkat said quietly as he looked down at his plate. He'd admit it looked less appetizing when it was beginning to get cold. He eventually gave up on food, not giving her time to reply before he stood up, taking his plate back to the kitchen. He made quick work out of wrapping up all his food, setting it on the shelf of the fridge that his aunt had designated his. He had no hesitations in going upstairs again, not even getting his phone off the table. 

A shower. 

That's all he wanted. A nice hot shower to wash it all away until tomorrow. Karkat pushed open the door, glancing in the mirror. He stared for a moment, a bit thrown off. He didn't realize his jawline had become more defined, and that the bags under his eyes were almost the same shade of grey as his eyes themselves. He ran a hand through his hair, noting how long it had seemed. He really had been too busy avoiding it all to notice he was almost grown. 

With a head shake, he pushed the door shut, stripping off his clothes. He shivered as he did a small dance to the mat, starting the water. He didn't care how hot it was, he just turned it to a random setting and hopped in, relaxing under the scalding hot water. It gave a burn he almost felt pleasure in. It reminded him of when his brother and him would fall asleep outside on the trampoline and wake up with sunburns. 

Shaking his head again he poured shampoo into his hand, clenching his teeth. He didn't want to think about him. He was so tired, and desperate. He wanted his old life back, but he knew it was impossible. He knew he would never live down what he had saw that day, and he knew no one would understand. 

No one would understand. 

No one would understand. 

No one would understand. 

The phrase rang through his head, like someone was standing in the distance, yelling just loud enough for him to hear. He took a deep breath, his trembling hands working on washing out his hair. 

Thank god water could hide tears.


	8. Bling! Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't want to lose my friend again. "

Karkat stepped out of the shower, rubbing his eyes again. He sighed gently as he looked into the foggy mirror, reaching out to wipe a stripe away. He blinked slowly as he did so, his head tilting a bit as he did so. His hair was plastered to his head, pushing his hand through it. He sighed as he looked at how red his eyes were, his head tilting a bit as he did so. He swallowed thickly as he reached to grab his toothbrush, putting a blob of the gross white paste that was going to clean. He sighed weakly as he started his usual post-shower work. He closed his eyes, beginning the vaguely gay task of brushing his teeth. He closed his eyes as he spit into the sink, grabbing an old cup to rinse his mouth out. He set it down, looking into the mirror again. He blinked slowly, noting the water that formed on it. The small male set the toothbrush to the edge of the counter, rubbing his face. 

"Get lost, I'm not done. " Karkat called when he heard a knock on the door. He relaxed when they seemed to give up, stepping to grab a towel. He dried his hair quickly before wrapping it around his waist, tucking it in place. He gave a slow sigh before he stepped to the door, bracing himself. He opened it and quickly hopped towards his room, the air freezing against his skin. He shivered weakly as he did so, working quickly to gather his clothes. In record time he was in sweatpants and a sweatshirt, still shivering slightly. "I didn't realize that I live in fucking Antarctica. " He growled as he stepped to his desk's chair, booting up his computer. He blinked when it said he had a message, an eyebrow quirking up. Huh. 

\---turntechGodhead began pestering carcinoGeneticist at ?:??--!

TG: bro

TG: dude you gotta hear this shit

TG: it's like god decided to give birth to amazing news and wrap it in a chocolatey covering that drips joy

CG: WHAT DOES GOD GIVING BIRTH HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING EVER?

TG: oh sweet youre online

TG: so i was talking to bro today and he dropped the largest bomb on me ive ever seen 

CG: APPARENTLY IT WASN'T LARGE ENOUGH SINCE YOU'RE ALIVE TO TALK TO ME. 

TG: rude

TG: anyway so we were talking about how my school is like a pile of shit sprayed with fabreeze

TG: so he suggested that i go to a different school since were all sick of their shit

TG: and it just so happens your school is the next closest district

CG: GREAT. NOW YOU DON'T ONLY ANNOY ME CONSTANTLY ONLINE BUT NOW YOU GET TO DRAG MY NERVES THROUGH THE FOREST OF GLASS THAT IS YOUR PERSONALITY ALL DAY. 

CG: EXCITING. 

TG: i know right

TG: im like one of those teacup poodles that piss itself everytime it gets too excited and pisses itself 

CG: THAT'S GROSS. 

TG: i know

Karkat rolled his eyes as he looked at the bright red Text, wondering what in the world he had done to meet this douchelord. He sighed as he grabbed his phone, deciding to get a glass of water before he had to go to bed. He sighed gently, shifting to stand up. He glanced at his phone, watching the little bubbles bounce as Dave typed. 

TG: dude we can hang out more than just once or twice a week

TG: it'll be so much fun 

TG: i am so happy dude it'll be great we can fuck around all day 

CG: IF YOU FUCK UP MY GRADES I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS. I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR BULLSHIT. 

TG: i wont

TG: promise

Karkat smiled as he locked his phone, pouring a glass of water. He sighed as he made his way back into his room, yawning. He glanced to his phone, blinking when there were more messages than he expected. 

TG: dude that reminds me

TG: kanaya told me you did that scream thingy in your sleep earlier

TG: you okay

TG: i mean i dont want to lose my best bro again

TG: it was hard enough the first time you almost lost it

Karkat sighed as he slowly processed what he said, feeling the pain in his chest start again. 

CG: KANAYA NEEDS TO LEARN HOW TO KEEP HER GODDAMN MOUTH SHUT. 

TG: dude chill just wanted to be sure

Karkat rubbed his eyes as he shifted to look at Dave's text. He wanted to deny it all, and insist that he was indeed okay. He swallowed thickly, typing carefully. 

CG: I'M FINE. 

TG: youre lying

Karkat sighed before he clicked his phone off and shut his computer, flopping onto the bed. He didn't want to deal with it. He wasn't emotionally prepared for a feelings jam. 

And with that he slowly drifted into a dreamless doze, the sound of his phone buzzing helping him sleep.


	9. Chapter 9- You disgust me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "...And you call me disgusting."

The ringing was back. 

Shoving himself to sit up, Karkat was wide awake from what was his deep sleep. His hands instantly moved to his hair, tugging as the high pitched ringing ripped through the silence. He knew it was because he was losing his fucking mind, and didn't think that anyone else would have heard it. Maybe someone else that had gone through the innocent raiding he called a life could possibly hear it, but they never showed signs of it. He shook his head, pushing himself to stand up. His balance was questionable, stumbling as he shoved open his bedroom door. It was hard to see, everything blurring together as he fought to stumble down the hallway to the bathroom. His hand flailed against the corner when he finally managed to stumble in, whimpering as he flicked on the lights. He wanted to smash his head against the mirror, instead he opened the medicine cabinet, his hand searching for the bottle. 

Sighing in relief, Karkat pulled the bottle's cap off, tilting his head back and pouring anywhere from five to seven pills into his mouth. He tilted his head to drink from the sink, forcing them down his throat. He panted as he slid down the wall, his back pressed firmly against it. Porrim would likely be angry when she came to the conclusion of his...help. Having been told long ago to be weened off and find a new form of relaxation. However it was almost impossible, despite it being just as harmful as the bandaged cuts going up both of his arms.

A loud sigh was given from his lungs as he slowly relaxed onto the cool floor, pressing a cheek against the tile. It smelled faintly of lemon cleaner, and the cold soothing his burning face. Eyes closing, he slipped back into the black abyss of sleep he wished would never end. 

"Karkat Signless Vantas!" 

With a gasp, Karkat pushed himself to sit up, looking over at Kanaya. She had her arms folded, a frown on her face as she looked down at her cousin. "Honestly I thought we could leave the bathroom open during the night, but maybe we'll have to lock it, since you've been able to pry your way into every other locked door in the house. " She sighed as she stepped in, grabbing the toothbrush on the sink edge. 

"Did Porrim wake up yet? I just got my phone back. " Karkat groaned as he shifted to sit up, pressing his palm against his forehead in hope for some relief from the headache that had formed during his nap. "Last thing I need is to miss a text from the red asshole. " He huffed as he pulled himself to stand up, leaning in to look under her arm for the mirror. 

"I won't tell her until after you get home, alright? Last thing I need is to come out into the hall during studyhall and see you shoving pencils in your nose. " Kanaya huffed as she moved to the side to allow Karkat visual of his reflection. "Come on, that was one time and it was hilarious. " He defended as he pulled away, feeling as though his hair wasn't too bad. 

"Karkat it was disgusting, especially the noises you were making. I'm sure walrus don't even make that noise. " Kanaya huffed as she grabbed her brush after spitting out the gross concoction of spit and toothpaste.

"You're just saying that because Rose wasn't laughing. " Karkat huffed, earning a prominent slap to the back of the head. "Grow up, Karkat. I have more to life than a love interest." 

"Really? I don't believe it. " Karkat chirped, narrowly avoiding a thrown brush as he ducked out into the hallway. He smirked as he made his way back downstairs, stepping to the kitchen. He grabbed a bottle of water and an apple, snatching his keys from the hallway bowl. He made sure he had some sort of food in his stomach before he hopped down the front steps, hiding away in the beat-up car. He sighed as he leaned back against his seat, reaching out to push open the glove compartment in the passenger's side. He was hesitant as his fingers slowly touched the cool metal of the razor, the sharp edge stained a light red from past...use. He pulled it out, letting it glimmer against the light as he pushed his seat to lean back again. 

Karkat pressed his fingertip against the sharp edge, but not hard enough to break the skin. He was almost entranced, watching as he slowly began to drag it down, just enough to split the skin but not enough to bleed. 

*BING*

\--turntechGodhead began pestering carcinoGeneticist at ??:??--

TG: karkat are you awake yet

TG: I have some hella shit you need to hear

CG: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO STOP PESTERING ME AT THE ASSCRACK OF DAWN. 

TG: this is special

TG: i found this rad fucking dead thing under an air unit on the roof

TG: i think it might be the neighbor's missing cat

CG: THAT'S DISGUSTING

TG: i know its so cool

CG: YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SHOVE IT IN A JAR LIKE THAT DEAD RAT YOU FOUND, ARE YOU?

TG: maybe

CG: YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY REPULSIVE. 

Karkat rolled his eyes as he shifted to sit correctly again, twirling the razor lazily between his fingers, eyes focused on his phone. 

TG: all disgusting progress aside are you excited?

CG: FOR WHAT?

TG: soon you'll be able to see my amazing face everyday 

CG: OH YES, I AM JUST SHAKING WITH JOY. PERHAPS SO MUCH SO I'M RETCHING. 

TG: and you call me gross 

With a huff, Karkat locked his phone again, tossing the razor onto the passenger seat and starting the engine. Too long with no activity, and Kanaya would get suspicious.


	10. Chapter 10- Pack It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I can't take it anymore."

"I FUCKING HATE THIS HOUSE, I HATE YOU, AND FOR THE GOD OF THIS UNRULY PLANET I HATE YOUR FUCKING GO GETTER ATTITUDE." Karkat screamed as he stormed up the stairs. Tears dripped down his face as he wrenched open his bedroom door, unable to fully see. His chest was heaving as he struggled to breathe, his hands shaking. School was hell and he couldn't stand it anymore. He had gone to his locker as always, and was going to try and rush through any math homework he had procrastinated until then, until a newspaper had fallen out. Of course he was confused when he reached down to grab it, figuring that he would have to beat someone with it. Until he saw the headline. 

'FIVE DEAD-- TEEN SURVIVES."

Karkat stared in disbelief, as an old photo of himself being carried out of his old home by a policeman, wrapped in a blanket. 

Bile immediately filled his mouth as he threw the paper on the ground, swallowing hard to prevent any contents of his stomach from taking a second trip. He left his locker wide open, and ran down the hallway, shoving anyone in his way out of it. Hell he even ended up throwing Terezi on her ass, not even looking back when she screamed at him to stop. He was desperate when he drove home, doing his best to fight off the memories of screaming, and the sickening smell of blood. He was getting queasy just thinking about it. He had shoved his way into the house, never once stopping when his aunt had yelled at him for being home and not at school. 

Currently he was shoving clothes into a bag, trembling as he fought to breathe properly. "Karkat will you calm down for a moment and talk to me? What happened?" Porrim demanded as she stepped into his room, reaching in to try and grab his arm. He yanked away, clenching his teeth as he glared. "No! I am so fucking done with everyone and their bullshit lives." He growled as he yanked away again, narrowing his eyes as he did so. "Don't touch me." He screeched, grabbing his bag. He ducked past her, avoiding her grip as he absconded down the stairs. He was surprised he could even drive when he got downstairs and in the car, shaking as he easily sped through the empty streets. 

The sky was mocking him.

Karkat laid in the middle of a large clearing, staring up at the stars. His eyes still burned from crying, despite being much more relaxed. He took a deep breath as he threw his arms over his face, ignoring the noise of the traffic. He had driven for hours, wanting to get as far away from the house as possible. There was no doubt that Porrim and Kanaya were looking for him. His phone was off, to save battery since he didn't grab his charger, and had hardly any money. He had maybe fifteen dollars and some change in his wallet, and he was running low on gas. He supposed that was what he gets for running out on short notice. He rubbed his face, taking a deep breath. 

Even when he heard the crunching of footsteps from a car that pulled over, Karkat didn't move. He never wanted to move, he would much rather just lay in the field, and slowly waste away to nothing. He was prepared to, in fact. He had came to almost look forward to the day he could finally escape the god awful planet. 

"Bro, everyone's looking for you."

Karkat didn't even move when the familiar voice filled his senses. He had heard it over the phone almost endlessly, and had actually been excited to hear it in person again, though in different circumstances. 

"Go away, Dave."


	11. Without a doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dude get up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for late updates, it's been a hectic year!

A small breeze drifted past Dave as he stood there, tilting his sunglasses down his nose so he could look at the other better. He noted how torn he looked, like he had the shit beat out of him and thrown off a bridge, despite not one person touching him. Karkat looked so tired, in his own opinion, like he could lay down and just sleep for years. He couldn't see his face, since he had covered it with his arms but he was willing to bet that the other looked just as tired as the rest of his body. Instead of making a smart remark, or possibly risking irritating the other more, Dave stepped quietly to sit next to him. Silence began to stretch between them, the only noise being the distant cars on the road. 

Dave had been coming to town upon the request of Karkat's aunt, who called him screaming about the other having just vanished off of the planet. Despite the moving date being weeks away, He had decided to make the five hour drive to help look. Afterall, it was Karkat. It was his best friend, the one that stayed up with him for hours and hours just talking about dumb shit. Of course he had to look. Though, about three hours down the road he had seen a car pulled over, finding the keychains hanging from the rearview mirror eerily familiar. One thing led to another and here he was, listening to the other's breathing an occasional hiccup.

"We gotta go back." 

"Shut up."

Dave flinched slightly from the bite in the other's voice. He swallowed, looking down at the other. He wasn't sure when Karkat had moved his arms away from his face, but he was right. He looked just as tired as he suspected. Red was surrounding his eyes, despite the normal slight purple. The lines beneath his eyes also reminded him of the first day he ever spoke with him, before he had gone through the thousands of hours of therapy and counseling. It had actually been in the waiting room that Dave had met him. He shook his head, reaching out to gently press the tip of his finger to the other's cheek.

"You can't get rid of me that easily, I'll stick to you better than gum sticks in your hair. " Dave said, simply sitting there. He was amazed that Karkat hadn't shoved his hand away yet, figuring he was probably too tired to do it. He shook his head before he pushed himself to stand up, brushing any grass off of his pants. "Alright dude, we have to get you home. I know it probably sucks ass, but your aunt was even screeching at me for it." 

Silence. 

Dave shifted awkwardly as Karkat just stared into the sky, like he was willing himself to die. He used his foot to nudge his side slightly, a frown twitching at the edge of his lips. "You alive...?" He said quietly.

"No one understands."

Dave almost jumped at how soft Karkat's voice was. He was used to his usual shouting and raspy voice that sounded like he had always screamed just a little too long. That or like he just smoked a whole pack of cigarettes at once. "Dude we all know that it must suck, but you can't just lay here forever."

"I see them, Dave."

It was like someone had thrown cold water over them, freezing the air when Karkat spoke. His voice had been so soft, like the wind was threatening to take his words with it and keep them for himself. It would be selfish, in Dave's opinion, and he listened carefully to every word.

"Every time I look in the mirror there's someone else there. I've woken up in the night to see my mom sitting at the end of my bed. Sometimes, I don't even have to open my eyes to see them. It's like they're following me, jealous that I got to walk away." 

Dave frowned as he reached down to grab Karkat's sleeve, pulling him up the best he could. "Karkat you need to listen, okay? I've sat through hours of you laughing, screaming, and doing a bunch of shit that I can't even explain. " He said with a frown. "You don't expect me to just sit here and let you stare at the sky like some sort of psychopath. Nah, get up we're getting burritos." 

"I hate mexican food."

"Well then you better beat me to the car because if I get there first you can bet your ass I'm not stopping anywhere short of the temple of the gods."

"Dave, Taco Bell is shit."

"Nah. Shut up. Let's go." 

Without another word he started to drag Karkat, a smile breaking his features as the other fought to free himself and stand up. The fire was back in his eyes, almost like he had literally dragged him out of his depressive state. "Fuck you and fuck Taco Bell."

"Not in the car, at least take me somewhere nice."

Karkat huffed as he pushed past Dave, leaving him a grinning mess. 

"Does that mean we get to stop for ice cream instead?"

"I hate you."

"I'll take that as a yes."


	12. Nostalgia at it's finest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "That's sounds stupid. "
> 
> "It was."
> 
> "Stop talking to me. "
> 
> "I think we'll get along. "

Carefully, slim fingers tapped against the bright red table top, Karkat's head turned to look out at the parking lot. He was quiet, dangerously so since Dave had interrupted his moments of relaxation in the field. Dave had left him at the table, deciding that he would be the one to order their food. The run down restaurant had definitely seen better days. The counters were faded, the whole place smelling of cheaply made meats and tortillas, and the walls resembled the same color that Karkat had thrown up earlier. God he hated Taco Bell. He pulled his hand off the table, eyes rolling slightly. His head was pounding, his eyes burning and legs aching from his earlier outbursts. He shook head, his attention gravitating to the other at the counter. 

Dave was remarkably taller than him, then again he hadn't grown since he was twelve. He may had a growth spurt still in him, however the year following the incident he had issues keeping food down, and ultimately led to malnutrition. Dave's hair was also a light blonde, a color that he often claimed it was because he was a pisshead. He wasn't much skinnier than him, even though they almost weighed the same. He figured it was from the fat distribution in his body. He blinked as he realized that Dave was looking back, scrunching up his nose in response to his shit eating grin. 

God, he remembered the first day he had seen that grin. 

 

"Karkat you have to talk to the counselor. " Porrim grabbed his arm, pulling him towards the door of the large brick building. Fifteen years old, Five feet four inches tall, and completely exhausted Karkat allowed himself to be dragged inside, his eyes flicking to the cheesy posters in the hall. 'Hang in there!' Fucking cat. He closed his eyes as Porrim's hand gripped his upper arm, urging him forward. It was a bit painful, despite her grip not being exactly tight. "Maybe you'll get your appetite back after a few sessions. Hell, if you feel a little better after this one we can stop and get those sponge candies you like. " She offered as they stepped into the elevator. The button for the second floor lit up as the floor shook slightly with their ascending. "Just.....Don't be to mean to this guy, alright champ? I know you think we're all crazy and pushing you but it'll be fine. " She hummed as she pushed him forward. 

With that, they stepped into the brightly colored waiting room, Karkat taking a second to examine it. Yellow walls, lame posters, and cheap toys in the corner accompanied by half destroyed coloring books. Scrunching up his nose, he stepped to an empty chair, sitting down carefully. He could see his reflection in the window, and he had to admit it made him double take. Under his eyes were a light purple from lack of sleep, he was a bit slimmer than he had been before due to lack of appetite, and his hair was a wild mess, and his clothes almost matching. He blinked a few times before he yanked his eyes away, looking down to his beaten shoes. 

He lightly swung his legs, watching his shoe laces sway from the movements. He was completely focused, more or less avoiding looking at his aunt and the other people in the room. He tilted his ankle, eyes scanning every scuff and stain on the edge of his converse. Granted, he had other shoes he refused to throw them out. Regardless of the faint stains of blood that haunted him. 

"Can you stay put? I need to see where their bathroom is. " Porrim hummed before briefly ruffling his hair, forcing his attention up from his shoes. "Uh, okay. " he said briefly before he glanced ahead of him. Normally he would have returned to the idle examination of his shoes however his eyes seemed to locked straight ahead of him. 

"You look better lookin' up. " 

Karkat's eyes widened as he looked across him, feeling his face heat up. "Piss off. " He growled, looking to the source of the voice. He couldn't see exactly who he was talking to, mostly due to mirror shades. 

"Ouch, that stings. Haven't you tried being friendly?" 

Karkat narrowed his eyes, feeling his jaw clenched. "I don't think you're worth it. " he huffed. He leaned back in his chair, folding his arms. He was stubborn, something he claimed he got from his mother. Afterall, she was the only woman he knew that could have four kids and still manage to keep a full pack of cookies in the house. 

"Ow man, that almost hurt as much as the time I tried to jump off the top of my apartment building. Almost killed myself, too. " The male said, giving an almost lopsided. 

"Sounds fucking stupid. "

"It was stupid. "

"Why are you talking to me?"

"You look like you have a lot to say. "

Karkat stopped, blinking in surprise for a moment. No one had ever looped him around so easily. His fingers instinctively moved to grip his own wrist, his nails digging into the flesh. "Who the fuck do you think you are? Why are you even here anyway?" 

"I'm Dave. Yes, the Dave Strider. No need to flip your shit and ask for autographs. " The blonde said as he kicked his own shoe, leaning back with his legs folded. "Why am I here? Do I not get a name before I spew my personal life?" 

"My name's Karkat. Now spit it out. " 

"Well damn, you are quite the spitfire. Well my little Karkat, my brother is convinced I have issues with connecting my own emotions. So once a week I get to sit in here and pretend that I know what the hell they're saying. It's pretty lit. " Dave said, his shades tipping down, yet not revealing his eyes. It was a useless gesture, and Karkat wanted to snatch the plastic fuckers off his face.   
"What about you? What has managed to grace me with your optimistic look on life?" 

He didn't know. Karkat stared for a long moment, absolutely thrown off. Everyone that he had met since the incident had already known, be it from the paper or the news that they had recognized him. But here with his aunt, there were people who didn't know.   
"I......Let some pretty bad things happen. My aunt thinks I need help to come to terms with it. " He said carefully. 

"Dude that's pretty lame. But I'll take it. " Dave said, suddenly leaning forward. "I think we're going to get along, Karkat. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for taking such a long hiatus! I will be uploading much more frequently now that things are sorted out!


	13. Counselor's Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You gave yourself those scars, didn't you?"
> 
> "....."
> 
> ".....I want you to hurt me instead of yourself."

"Welcome back, Kittykat, thought after the screaming I heard last week you wouldn't have come back."

 

Karkat narrowed his eyes as he stepped into the yellow waiting room. last week hadn't exactly been the high point of his life. In fact, he was pretending like it never happened. He ran a hand through his hair as he took his normal seat directly across from Dave.  His aunt, having become bonded with other mothers of the disturbed spawn scattered across the room, had drifted off to speak to a group of mothers, beginning her now traditional greetings.  This left Karkat on his own, sitting across from Dave.  He never had seen the other's brother, however he was often told he came to every session.  "He wouldn't stop talking, okay? I just.....I don't know I gave up." He admitted, tapping the toes of his shoes together. He rubbed his face with his hands, partially to avoid looking at Dave.  "Don't worry about it dude, they'll lay off eventually." 

 

Dave had leaned forward, his elbows resting against his knees.  It was difficult to admit, however he was slowly getting attached to Dave.  It was almost like a comfort, being aware that he would see the same lopsided grin, hear the same shit eating voice.  It was..... addictive? That probably wasn't the right word, however he was at a loss for something better.  So he was going to leave it at that for the time being.  "What's with you and always looking like you just rolled out of bed, though?" Dave asked as he looked across.  "Like as cute as it is, don't you like, ya know? Change?" 

 

"......I don't like being asleep." Karkat said hesitantly, his eyes flicking to look up at Dave again.  It was a long moment, they just sat there.  He could hear the other parents talking, and a few other kids amusing themselves with the sad excuse of toys.  It wasn't that he would have been interested in them in the first place. Though, his thoughts were shattered by an almost soft voice.  It was startling, considering he was used to a much more rough tone.  

 

"There's a reason you always where long sleeves, isn't there?" Dave said quietly.  It was almost like everything had stopped, the rest of the room fading away as Karkat processed what he had asked.  No one had ever questioned it, in fact his aunt had gotten him a few other sweatshirts to encourage him.  Though, being faced with a question so suddenly....Well, he wasn't sure what to do about it. He took a long moment before he leaned back, his arms slowly folding.  "You never know when to shut up, do you?" Karkat hissed, his eyes narrowing once again.

 

"Can I see?"

 

"Are you fucking crazy? Back off."

 

"Please?"

 

All Karkat could hear was his heart pounding in his ears, his eyes locked onto Dave's stoic face.  He was numb as he slowly shook his head, staring in nothing short of shock. What else was he supposed to do? What do people do in moments like these?

Though, despite his initial denial, he hadn't pulled away when Dave reached out to take his wrist, swallowing thickly as he slightly pushed up the edge of his sleeve.  He closed his eyes, not wanting to see him when the marks littering his arm were revealed. He tried to pull his arm back as he felt the air hit his skin, but Dave's grip only tightened to prevent it. "I don't know what happened, but it wasn't this, was it?" He said quietly, gripping Karkat's wrist tightly.  

 

"....If I give you my number will you call me instead?"

 

"What?"

 

"I'm serious. It can be the asscrack of dawn and you can call me and scream until your heart's content."

 

Karkat yanked his arm back as he looked across to Dave, his vision starting to blur slightly from tears.  He wasn't even sure that he was upset, more or less looking for SOMETHING to react to.  

 

".....Alright."

 

"


	14. Back to the Real World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I won't stand by and let you destroy yourself. "
> 
> "Why not? It'll be so much easier. "
> 
> "Not for me. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh if this could get 50 kudos I'll force myself into a regular updating schedule i just want to make sure people still read this lmao

"Dude are you okay, you look like you spaced out. And by spaced out I mean more so than usual. "

 

Karkat's head snapped to Dave, his eyes wide. Everything came flooding back at once, the newspaper stuffed into his locker, the screaming, the field, even the slightly gross scent of the Taco Bell they were sitting in. He sucked in a sharp breath, attempting to calm his racing heart. He had gotten a bit too carried away reminiscing. He swallowed as a tray piled with poorly wrapped tacos and cinnamon bites were set in front of him. "Yeah, I was just.....Thinking. " He admitted quietly. The soft flesh of his lip stung as he sank his teeth into it. He ran a hand through his hair.

 

"Well stop thinking, you might actually hurt yourself. Your brain might get strained. " Dave mused as he sat down, tearing open the wrapping to a soft taco. He shoved most of it in his mouth, making a groan-like noise as he stared to chew. "Befids, you fould eat schomting befur we head ome. " He managed to around the mouthful of processed meats. Karkat sighed, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. "Can you at least have the decency to swallow before you try to talk to me?" He grumbled, reaching out to take one of the cinnamon bites from the small cardboard bowls. Dave really never had the best table manners, though he couldn't exactly complain considering his own were that of a poorly trained raccoon.  He wasn't hesitant as he shoved a cinnamon bite into his mouth, allowing the fresh gooey center to completely take over his senses. 

 

"You look like you just swallowed the best cum shot of your poor college white girl existence." Dave mused, kicking one of Karkat's legs.  "Why are you always so gross?" Karkat said with a slight scrunch of his nose.  He could almost hear his aunt reminding him that if he did it too much he would have permanent lines on his face.  Why was she in his head at a time like this? Regardless, he shook his head, eyes flicking up to Dave.

 

"I probably shouldn't ask, but how the fuck did you find me? I even turned my phone off so no one could use that bullshit GPS app that my aunt made us get." Karkat finally asked.  It was nagging at him, since afterall he just wanted to run. To run as far as he possibly could.  What he would do once he was away, he had no idea, but he wanted it desperately.  "I just....How?"

 

"Dude I don't know.  It's like my internal edge lord radar went off and pinged you, so I just honed right to you." Followed by a loud belch, Dave seemed content as he rolled up a few wrappers in his hand.  "Besides, I guess it was kind of on accident.  They called me hoping I knew where you went and I was coming to help look, so was Bro when he got off work." With a slight sigh, he propped his elbow against the table top, dropping the wrappers on the tray.  "But I found you being edgy on the side of the road." 

 

"God you always know how to annoy me yet avoid getting clocked right in the jaw, I don't even know how you do it." Karkat grumbled, his arms folding.  He clenched his jaw, studying Dave for a moment.  "Maybe.....I wanted to be alone.  Like for good, I just wanted to be all by myself with no people, no drama, and nothing else.  " he finally said after a long moment of silence.

 

"Karkat, I'd never let that happen."

 

"Well why the fuck not?"

 

"We both know what happens if you're left alone with your thoughts for too long." 

 

A moment stretched by, the two teens staring at one another.  It was like walking on glass while barefoot.  One wrong step and everything could go wrong so quickly.  

 

"Maybe that's how I'm supposed to be, Dave. It would be so much easier for everyone to just leave me alone."

 

"Well, not for me. I can't just sit here and watch you destroy yourself."

 

Karkat swallowed thickly, aware at the effort from his throat tightening.  He's cried enough today, in his own opinion. It's just not worth doing it again.  ".....We should go home."

 

"Yeah..."


	15. Home sweet grounding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm in trouble aren't I?"
> 
> "Oh you have no idea. "

"Where were you? We were worried sick, I thought you were going to do something you'd regret!" 

Karkat blinked as Porrim's hands clasped on either side of his face, blinking in slight surprise as she seemed to examine him for marks. Her face was faintly pink, a telltale sign that she had been crying. Her hands fell from his face, gripping his shoulders with enough force he wouldn't be surprised if it left a bruise. She leaned forward, wrapping her arms around him. She pressed her cheek against his head, shaking slightly. He figured he should have called when he and Dave had gotten together, though he had gotten distracted from the promises of cheap tacos and relaxation. He had to admit, sitting in the old restaurant had done wonders to calm him down. He pulled back to look up at Porrim, slightly surprised to witness the tears that were dripping down her face. He allowed her to fawn over him, glancing around to take in the chaos that he had accidentally caused. There were three police cruisers, two of which that had their lights on. He didn't know how long it had been dark, but he had to admit the slight glow from the lights was almost pretty. Grossly so. It reminded him faintly of his old living room, and he felt the faint sickly feeling in his stomach returning. 

"Are you even listening to me?" 

Karkat's eyes snapped back to his aunt as she wiped her face, smearing the perfect eyeliner he often feared. He felt his chest ache, nodding. For once in his life, he was at a loss for words. He swallowed thickly, eyes moving to Kanaya as she approached. She seemed to be much calmer than her mother, however the slight pink to her eyes betrayed the façade she was attempting to keep. He gave a shrug as his aunt stepped off to talk to the police, insisting that Karkat didn't need to be hauled off to some padded cell for the night. 

"You scared us. " 

Kanaya shook her head, arms folding. "You scared us to death. They pulled me out of biology because my mother had called the police before you had even gotten down the street. " She scolded. Her eyes traveled over to Dave, who was off explaining to another officer exactly why they hadn't contacted anyone when he had been found. He assumed he was making up some bullshit excuse that the officer would eventually get tired of and ultimately abandon getting a clear answer all together. "When we called Dave I thought he was going to cry. " She said idly before her Jade eyes moved to look at him again. "All of us thought you went to kill yourself." 

Karkat's hand moved awkwardly to rub against the side of his neck, his arms starting to burn. "I had to leave. I couldn't take anymore. " He admitted. It was hard to look at her, then again who wouldn't have a hard time? He shook his head, his eyes moving to look at the flashing lights of the police cruiser. He could feel the pain in his chest as he tried to numb himself down. His head already hurt from how much he had cried for the day. He jumped when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder, glancing to Kanaya. "While my mother sorts things out, you should come inside. I saw the paper in the hallway when they were walking me to the office. " She admitted as she started to nudge him to the house. 

"Now I now that you don't think you're gettin' away from me that easily. " 

Karkat huffed, turning to look at Dave. He ignored the hand that Dave shoved into his hair upon approaching, narrowing his eyes as he pulled away. "Come on, both of you. " Kanaya insisted, already having started up the front steps. Karkat ignored the hand that Dave pressed to the back of his shoulder to pull him along, his eyes moving up towards the house. It was painted in red and blue, almost glowing. It was a beacon of light in his opinion, offering the comfort he so desperately wanted. 

God he hoped he wasn't a moth drifting into a trap. 

He stepped inside, the warm lights of the house acting as a further comfort. He looked to Dave as they all seemed to migrate into the living room, sitting on the chic leather couch. He leaned back, watching as Kanaya sat in the adjacent couch, Dave sitting next to him. He closed his eyes, his head pounding as he struggled to calm down. He still wasn't completely calm, but much more so than earlier. 

"Ya'll are so down and out. I feel like I'm going to drown in all this Shit. " Dave said as he shifted forward, his elbows resting against his knees as he looked over to Kanaya. "Should we do something other than sit around and grovel." 

SLAM. 

"Well Karkat, you didn't do anything to kill yourself. Now let's see if you can survive Mom." 

"KARKAT SIGNLESS VANTAS. " 

"I'd run if I were ya." 

With Kanaya and Dave both urging him on, he made a mad dash to the staircase, narrowly avoiding the familiar hand that tried to grab the back of his sweatshirt. 

"GET BACK HERE YOUNG MAN. I HAD HALF THE TOWN LOOKING FOR YOU. " 

Karkat's chest was burning as he ran quickly up the stairs, his heart pounding as he moved quickly for his room. He threw himself in, desperately trying to shut the door behind him to lock it, though he wasn't a match for his aunt as she pushed it open after him. 

"I'm in trouble, aren't I?" 

"You have no idea. "

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!


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